Shackle Debacle ( <-- wow, that's a rotten title)

Genre: Urban Curiosity
Inspiration: The word "shackles"

The shackles clanged around the lanky wrists like miniature bells linked one upon another hanging loosly from a steeple at the end of a human arm; a pious human arm.

"WHAKish" A whip cracked across his broad back cutting a long tendril of crimson blood accross the broad shoulders. He muttered in fatigued agony.

"Thou hast forsaken the Queen for the last time and thine time to expire doth hitherto forbode your continued comfortable existence" growled his formidable keeper from behind the armour of hard leather.

He uttered but a squeek of acknowledgement as beads of hot sweat poured from his brow through his bloodshot eyes and over his parched lips, and without being able to verbalize it he thought to himself: "huh?"

"I hath but to club thine head with this bat to end your pathetic burp of a life scoundrel, and shall in the next minute decide wheather though hast earned a right to breath, or foregone thoust..ed... thine? thoust... hmmm."

Her stumbling gave John a moment to reflect on the fact that he was shackled on his stomach with his hands behind his back, naked save for a loin cloth in the backyard of a women who he had met only 3 hours earlier. The fact that he was immediately repulsed by her girth hardly seemed important now - he had invested a good 2 hours in getting laid (making small talk, paying for dinner, home made ice cream at the gourmet shop) before she had tied him up and thrown him down the stairs at her house. Damned though if he wasn't going to see this one through - it seemed to him that as her whiping became more tender, she might be close to touching him something that didn't sting like the fire of a thousand suns; it had been ages since John had been with a woman. Even if she was 320 lbs (he approximated by sight but he was pretty good at that being a vegan nutritionist and all), John owed it to Mary to see this date through. Mary was a sweetheart waitress at John's favourite restaurant and surprisingly attractive for a lesbian ex-con with legs of uneven length; all things John discovered after an unsuccessful bid for a date. He spat out a mouthful of grass as he redoubled his effort to crawl to the end of the lawn where Gertrude - his "master" - was going to tie him to the roof of her car for a drive around the block. He knew for certain scraping his knees over the sidewalk that this was the last time he would accepted a blind date with a cute waitresse's parole officer.