Purpose...

Genre: Surreal Gourmet
Inspiration: Strange looking, limping guy with hand in pocket on Kingston Rd.

Reginald walked, unaided along the boulevard; a recently rediscovered pleasure since he'd managed to renounce his cane. The pain of walking was considerable, but it allowed him to once again hold the world in his hands. Often, when Reginald explained to people why he always walked with his hand in his pocket - because he held the world in his hands - he would get strange looks, but the fact of the matter was that he'd once tried holding the world in his hands outside of his coat pocket, and that had very nearly been a catastrophe.

The world - well, Reginald's world anyway, was considerably smaller than others - with a population of 30,000,000 it measured only 4" across with a depth that varied by region. It was in fact, the shape of a brick of cheese. Given that the oceans were once the colour of white cheddar, and the only continent on its surface looked uncannily similar to a label of Balderson's Aged Cheddar one would be forgiven for thinking that Reginald was not well... For it looked as if he kept the company of a brick of cheese. Adding to this oft communicated mis-perception was that the world's atmosphere, composed of a chemical and gas mixture unique only to it, wrapped the planet in a coating indistinguishable to humans from cellophane.

When Reginald found it 3 years ago it lay vulnerable and cold in a cooler at the super market, discarded in a heap of cheese. Luckily for its inhabitants though, the world was saved by Reginald when, recognizing the incredible properties of this chameleon world, he extracted it from the bin and delicately placed it in his pocket knowing that it was his destiny to protect this precious ecosystem for all of eternity; He named it Dairy in honour of the store section where he had found it. It was this special calling that prompted him to carry Dairy with him wherever he went and he had done so faithfully for the better part of 21/2 years up to the fateful day.

That day marked the near annihilation of Dairy as Reginald was tackled by a megalomaniacal German Shepherd trying to gain control over his precious ward. To this day Reginald is unable to understand how his canine nemesis came to know of this special world, but damned if he wasn't going to fight for it. Reginald gave chase as the filthy beast darted into the street and it was here that Reginald met the co-conspirator; he knew he had fallen for the trap set by the dastardly team of world-nappers as he watched the bumper of an '78 El Camino shatter his knee. At the helm was an incredulous and shrewd septuagenarian feigning innocence. Were it not for his state of shock Reginald would have fought harder, but as it was he was just glad that the deafening squeal of tires had shocked the dog into submission and caused him to drop Dairy. With his last gasp of breath before unconsciousness Reginald curled up fetaly on the street - miniature cheese shaped planet in hand. All was right he thought to himself...

So it was with this memory that Reginald resolved to keep walking but with the world concealed. Its forests still continued to grow and the soft organic greenery added a welcome compliment to the ever increasing stench - this was a small price to pay for such a lofty life's reward of keeping an entire world safe from the dangers that lurked in Reginald's cruel reality.